Unsolicited advice is rarely about the person receiving the "help" and almost always about the giver. It's natural for some of us to criticize another person's actions, demeanor, dress, posture, the list goes on, but without being specifically asked, the advice usually goes in one ear and out the other. (I'm not speaking about performance reviews, however, where it's incumbent upon managers to accent the positive while coaching on the negative.)
The fact is, unless you are directly asked about one's actions, demeanor, dress, posture, etc., zip it. In rare cases, the other person will be grateful for and act upon the well meaning advice, but usually not. Those of you quick to point out others' shortcomings know keeping quiet isn't easy; certainly not for this Miss Know-it-all. I find dining situations especially frustrating, as I look at the table next to me and think, "That girl is so darling, if she would only hold her knife and fork correctly, she'd be perfect!" My impulse is to go all etiquette on the poor thing and give her a hands-on demonstraton right then and there.
The bottom line is, the next time you feel the urge to "help" the gum-chewing sales clerk by suggesting she toss the Trident, or when you just know that the guy on the bus would
want to know that the fabric label on his coat sleeve should have been removed the day he bought it, take a deep breath and instead, focus on what improvements you yourself might wish to undertake to be even more elegant. If you weren't asked, don't tell.
