Wasn't Asked? Don't Tell

Unsolicited advice is rarely about the person receiving the "help" and almost always about the giver. It's natural for some of us to criticize another person's actions, demeanor, dress, posture, the list goes on, but without being specifically asked, the advice usually goes in one ear and out the other. (I'm not speaking about performance reviews, however, where it's incumbent upon managers to accent the positive while coaching on the negative.)

The fact is, unless you are directly asked about one's actions, demeanor, dress, posture, etc., zip it. In rare cases, the other person will be grateful for and act upon the well meaning advice, but usually not. Those of you quick to point out others' shortcomings know keeping quiet isn't easy; certainly not for this Miss Know-it-all. I find dining situations especially frustrating, as I look at the table next to me and think, "That girl is so darling, if she would only hold her knife and fork correctly, she'd be perfect!" My impulse is to go all etiquette on the poor thing and give her a hands-on demonstraton right then and there.

The bottom line is, the next time you feel the urge to "help" the gum-chewing sales clerk by suggesting she toss the Trident, or when you just know that the guy on the bus would want to know that the fabric label on his coat sleeve should have been removed the day he bought it, take a deep breath and instead, focus on what improvements you yourself might wish to undertake to be even more elegant. If you weren't asked, don't tell.

Total Image Management® Seminars

Many readers have asked when I will offer my Total Image Management^® seminar this year. I'm happy to announce that it will be held Wednesday, May 4th, at The Ritz-Carlton, Pentagon City (and will be repeated Monday, October 3).

Total Image Management^® is a systematic process that helps professional women project their very best selves to the world, and manage that image as they build long-term, mutually beneficial relationships with co-workers, clients and customers.

Back in 2009, I took this seminar on the road and had the chance to work with a number of women who wanted to accelerate their professional development and find more rewarding work, pursue promotions, and more than a few wanted to re-enter the workforce with more confidence. I've made some changes to the original program, making it more relevant for 2011.

This year's version of Total Image Management ^® is more streamlined, more hands-on, and is only one day instead of two. It's also half the price: $799*, but if you register before March 31st, you can save $100! Email me if you'd like a copy of this year's agenda or wish to inquire about a group discount.

Click here to register for this unique professional development learning event!

*Price includes breakfast, lunch, course materials and a dynamic, 90-day business development/job search plan with 30 days of post-seminar access to me by phone and email.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

I love helping people prepare for professional headshots. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, it's very important to make every effort to shine when in the spotlight! By managing the details of hair, make-up, clothing and accessories, you can turn an average photo into something more - something that will actually convey your confidence and competence to others in an instant.

In the last few months, I've had the pleasure to work with two dynamic women who needed publicity photos. Below is a great shot of Roberta Matuson, author of "Suddenly in Charge, Managing Up, Managing Down, Succeeding All Around." I knew we needed to play up her beautiful eyes with the perfect blue blouse. Her suit conveys professionalism, and her hair and make-up are sleek and polished. Makes you want to buy and read her book, doesn't it?!

Next up is the lovely and talented Lisa Morton. She's finishing a book on black women and depression due out any minute (keep watching at Amazon.com). Lisa wanted a sophisticated look, to appear in-control yet approachable. In both shots we played up Lisa's beautiful skin tone using a neutral on the left and some major color on the right (she's so fab, she can manage both approaches). Do you think we achieved the goal? 



Sex, Politics and Religion

We've all been taught to steer clear of the topics of sex, politics and religion in polite conversation. However, in Washington, DC, it's simply a matter of time (three seconds?) before someone let's you know where they stand politically. When a person at a networking event let's me know within minutes she is pro-choice or vegan or ultra-conservative or a supporter/non-supporter of drilling/nuclear/wind/solar energy, I usually move on rather quickly to someone else to discuss business, the networking event itself, or maybe even the weather, rather than where we stand on controversial issues (that can come later when we know the other person better). The beauty of working the room is that we have the ability to move on. When you're a member of an audience, however, it's another story.

Tuesday night I had the great pleasure of listening to the popular and talented mezzo-soprano Joyce DiDonato at the Kennedy Center. And while I enjoyed her singing very much, her comments about what news programs she likes and dislikes, and her feelings about the recent events in Egypt, left me wanting to move on to someone who would simply discuss the music.

Next time you meet a possible connection/connector for the first time, be mindful of bringing up subjects that may leave a sour taste. Especially in Washington, it's best to hold your cards until a more appropriate time to reveal one's political leanings.

Big Girl Panties

You've heard the expression, "Pull on your big girl panties," haven't you? It's a call to act like an adult in a given situation, usually directed toward a woman. "Come on, Gretchen," my husband might encourage as we scale a major hill on a bike ride, "pull on your big girl panties and shift into low gear - you can do it!"

Today, however, I mean "big girl panties" in the literal sense. If you're over 16 years old and anywhere past the 125 pound mark on the scale, you need serious foundation garments if you're going to look like an adult with well fitting clothes.

Spanx, Yummie Tummie and Wacoal all make wonderful underwear designed to lift and separate, smooth and shape, and help sort out the junk in the trunk. Regardless of one's size, be it petite, missy or plus, the right foundation garments will add support and give shape to a woman's body.

Ladies, if you're not going to wear control-top hosiery (pantyhose or opaque tights), please consider adding a tad more compression to your bottom line. You'll look a few pounds slimmer, and your clothes will fit better. And who knows, you'll probably take any steep hills you encounter during the day with more skill and confidence, and of course, more elegance.

Complimentary Business Etiquette 101 Booklet

We continue to get requests for the booklet, "Business Etiquette 101 - 30 Absolutely, Never Evers for Business, Dining & First Impressions." This tiny book is filled with great advice for new professionals and seasoned execs, such as:

• Absolutely never ever appear too casual for a business situation. This means no flip-flops, sneakers, jeans or t-shirts. This includes any "casual day" - remember, you're at WORK.
• Absolutely never ever lose your cool. Keeping your emotions in check at all times makes you a professional.

Readers of this blog may get a free copy ($6.00 value) by sending an email request with their mailing address.

Who Said There Was a Problem?

The proper response to "thank you," is "you're welcome." Over and over again I hear sales clerks, waiters and various other customer-facing service people use "no problem," or worse, "no worries," when replying to someone saying thank you. When one is paying for a meal and tells the waiter they enjoyed themselves, the answer is NOT, "no problem." When one asks for directions and thanks the person, the answer is NOT, "no problem." Whoever said there was a problem to begin with?
Managers, please coach your sales team to reply with any of the following when working with customers who say thanks:

• You're welcome;
• It was my pleasure;
• Certainly, you're welcome;
• Of course, it was my pleasure, we hope to see you again soon.